Sunday, October 29, 2006

brainless smiling puppet

all of this community building has reminded me of one crucial problem: i am intrinsically an introvert. the busy-ness of the past 2 months has been very rewarding, but has worn me down to a brainless smiling puppet. yeah, sometimes i just put on the happy face when i have to give a presentation or interact socially, just waiting for that wonderful moment when i can go home, put on my pajamas, and bury myself in a book. i finally had a full day yesterday to hide away, and i'm starting to feel rejuvinated, at least to the point where i can really ask myself how involved i want to be in a community and how much i'd rather withdraw into my own personal cave.

some days i feel that it's crucial for artists to work together as a community, as well as to interact with the larger community they live in, but on other days i'm jealous of artists who feel no remorse over disconnecting themselves.

working with other people can just be so damn tiring.


Cody G. said...

I've spent the last few days digging into several books and doing little else. I'm also an introvert, and all the activity of last month has driven me to large quantities of fiction. I look at the dishes piling up in the sink and prefer to ignore them to return to my book.

Is it an issue of balance? Maybe if the intensity hadn't been quite so high, we wouldn't be feeling like hiding. If we had been able to swing more free time, we'd feel less like retracting.

I think it's okay to feel this way, though. Communities are fluid, not solid. People come in and out of focus regularly, and it's understandable how that happens. It's probably healthy, too.

Jessica White said...

it's a relief to hear you say that. after i wrote it, i thought - aren't most artists introverts in a way? we must enjoy working quietly alone - that's how most art is made, after all. i wonder how other artists balance it all out, because i'm obviously not very good at it.

2 days ago, i was listening to the radio and working on a woodblock, and someone passing by glanced in the studio and said, "it looks like you're having too much fun in there" - i agreed. for 2 hours, it was like i'd gone on vacation.

Vanessa said...

One of my greatest pleasures is to look at art slides through the centuries for several hours in utter silence, listening to my mind travel to its furthest corners and make up tales. I think of W.G. Sebald's "Rings of Saturn," ekphrasis, and my current interest in creating a visual 'essay.'